A HOMO ME?????

Homosapiens and Homosexuality have that little ‘Homo’ in common. Does that in any way mean that there is a little Homo person hidden inside my skin somewhere?? 

  

Back in my early school days, when life was innocently wrapped in a green pinafore frock and when black ribbons where the smartest thing ever, the bird and the bee were never of the same gender. A boyfriend had a girlfriend while the girlfriend had a boyfriend and the rest like me where stealing 2 Rupees out of dad’s pocket for a daily dose of samosa from the school canteen. Life was not complicated in any sexed up way.

I was in 7^th grade when I had a massive fight with my tiffin friend and was forced to find myself a new friend to share my tiffin box with during the school break (When your mother gives you idli chutney almost every day for lunch, you need to find new means). And there on the school playground I found my new tiffin friend in the form of a fair girl, wearing a longer pinafore than mine and socks held firm to her middle calf with the help of rubber bands. So amazingly smart!!!! The rubber band technique for the socks was a sure winner in my books. She let me have her lunch, gave me rubber bands to keep my socks high and sometimes even bought me 2 Rs sip-ups during the summer days. She was everything I was looking for until I was proven otherwise one Friday the 13th. It was the school craft exhibition and she held my hand as I displayed the flowers I made out of Old milk packets to the parents visiting the exhibition. Though I felt quiet weird about it, I let her do so for she had promised to buy me a samosa later for lunch. Yes I was a food slut (ignore was). But I will never forget how later that day she asked me if she could come to the toilet with me because she wanted to be with me everywhere I went. Hell broke loose and with a force greater than all the avengers combined, I fled back to my old tiffin friend and dumped this girl out. Sadly the routine smuggling of 2 Rs from Dad’s pocket was initiated yet again.

I still remember how once during our school assembly, I fell sick and decided to go sit in the classroom and silently chew on the Methi Paratha that my tiffin friend had got on that day. But what should have been a guilty indulgence turned out to be my first real life kiss experience. Real life being mine and kiss experience being between two other girl classmates of mine. I stood there watching them because you got to be kidding me if you say that you wouldn’t. Hell, two girls were kissing behind the class cupboard!!! SPICY!

Have you ever been attracted to someone your own gender? Not attraction in the form of wanting to hit the bed with them but in a way that you would want them to talk only to you? Some crazy crush way. I had this super girl crush to this macho chick in my class. It was around that time when Amrita and Isha Kopikar’s Girlfriend movie hit the Bolly and the Bajrang Dal guys had made Poster tearing their vocational sport. Lesbianism became a huge topic and I suddenly thought I was a lesbian. Such was my devotion towards her. I used to be on bed and imagine myself touching her. And then I would go barf my guts out. I even watched a few lesbian kisses on youtube and no I would never kiss a girl or knead her Pompoms! I was a confirmed non lesbian.

During college life after being almost kissed by a lesbian hostel maid, after being pinched on the butt by a chick in the bus and after being winked at by a woman traffic police, I am all cool with this whole Gay rave! In this time when being gay is the new Fashion, where being a lesbian makes you a rebel, thus super cool and where everyone wants a new gay best friend, I guess it’s time I brought my apologies out.

Dear dumped tiffin friend, I am sorry for being such a jerk. I wonder where you are these days and whether you finally found a chick who would let you inside the toilet. I apologize for dumping you. We could have remained friends (without the added benefits).  And I really do miss those free samosas.

Dear classmates I caught in the middle of a feisty behind-the-cupboard make out. I apologize for spreading the gossip in the whole school which eventually got you both suspended. One of you recently got married (to a guy) and is my facebook friend. Thankyou for those frequent facebook pokes.

That said, who knows what happens next. I support the whole concept of being gay for it’s a personal sexual preference. But would you have accepted it like say 50 years ago? Would you hit the streets to support its legalisation? This makes me think, what if incest becomes a cool thing after say 30 years. Are our moral stands breaking loose? Feed me your thoughts!!

P.S- I ordered a cake to celebrate my parents silver marriage anniversary. Thank God it was not 'WAR'.